Thursday, August 30, 2007

Drug Induced Dreams and Thank God I have a couch


I woke up. Just like that. 36 hours into la-la land, I decided that having psychedelic dreams and tingling, ewwwwwwey-ouweeeeey numbness, was kind of boring. I grabbed the RX bottle and tossed it into the cat litter bucket~makeshift coffee table~instant plastic garbage can that had followed me through the night. Everytime I woke up, the plastic Tidy Cat box was there. Cigarettes and ashtray, RX, and cell phone perched on it's lid. 36 hours later the cigarette pack was half empty, the ashtray half full and the cellphone dead. 38 hours later, my heartbeat was beating like Eminem on cheap speakers throughout my foot. I gritted my teeth, chugged down iced tea and swallowed two Advil. Cocooned myself in the blankets on the couch and started counting.

I always think there's a reason for everything. Some unknown, yet to be discovered reason lurking in the shadows. I rarely hunt for it anymore, I just know it's there, waiting to show it's "Are you watching me, now?" face.

I believe.

So I never questioned why jumping up and down in my sister's living room telling the fairytale story of the little magpie "pwincesses" at hippie daycare would find me splat! on the floor, broken and wailing. I mean, the whole scene did divert another crises, so hell, maybe I didn't have to be so dramatic, but it worked! It was just meant to be.....

And that's why, now that I'm straight (yeah, you aren't believing me, are you?) I'm just pondering, not questioning, just pondering, the meaning behind my most vivid drug induced dream. I keep watching it over and over again in technicolor memory, in slow speed....thinking I'm supposed to get something from it.....

I was on the ground, or below or under anyway, and I saw her way up above, toward the peak of the roof. She was just there suddenly, in silly Pippi Longstocking clothes, sneakers and socks and mismatched leggings and skirts and shirts and jackets...

and she was sliding down the shingles, bumpety bumpety bump and then flipping, twirling, skinny little arms flying and then bouncing, pouncing onto the roof below and then dune-rolling somersaulting cart-wheeling down to the next roof, rump bumping, knee knocking, crawling face first so fast her feet flipped over her head and she was spider walking in a back bend, faster and faster....

to the next roof
and the next roof
and I no longer stood below panicked
or gathering sheets for a fireman's net
or yelling for help
I was just watching in awe
as
her colors
my colors
flipped furiously
through the shingled sky
and from where
I stood
in spite of the road rash
the skint knees
the bonked up forehead
and
tangled hair
she
looked like she was having fun.

I can't wait to dance again......

66 comments:

skinnylittleblonde said...

and Ill meet you there...on the rooftops ... when you're ready

kj said...

i'll be on those rooftops too, singleton, if you're so inclined!

glad to know you're recovering. take care. maybe this is a good chance to write and create and write and create some more.

:)

she said...

see. you are unstoppable!

sandyland said...

We probably experience these degrees of pain so that at the next party we embrace even more of the euphoria- a higher plane

eric1313 said...
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eric1313 said...
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singleton said...

skb....Do you remember "Shane" from the Waite's Rooftop? He used to climb way up on the tallest gable of the garage apartment and play the flute to the moon? The birds would come over and camp out in the trees and sing the oooh-ahhhh parts to his songs.....
Yeah, we just gotta meet on the rooftop!PL2U my precious baby sib

kj....It's a party! And we can string lines between the rooftops and clothespin all the poems and stories and drawings in the wind! Whooooooo~hoooooooo, I can't wait!

she....Just following the leader! xoxoxo

sandyland...."embrace more of the euphoria"....wouldn't it be wonderful if that came naturally to all? To seize the moment, catch the smile, appreciate the little things? Wishing you well...

peace~love my friends

eric1313 said...

Nothing keeps a good hippie down.

Not even the drugs...

Hope to meet you there. The walls need climbling
and...



Many-Splendored Drips Of Paint
E1313

Drips of paint applied liberally
in skeins of mosaic twilight,
like the stars peeking out
at the last ray of the sun.

They smirk their bright pinpoint
five-billion-year-old grin,
a cosmic "I told you so..."

You light a smoke
salute them in one finger fashion
they laugh and cry and make stories
from the chaotic insanity,
drips of paint like stardust thrown
to the winds.

You laugh and they match you--
four billion years ago they did,
just now catching up,
and you capture their essence
in smatterfied psychedellic freckles
stars looming in a brown-eyed sky;
they're all in love with you...

That's nothing new...
like nothing under the sun.

Except drips of paint
flying hitherto to rest
where you tell them to--
most of the time they listen,
and you listen too,
loving their every hint
and allegation
each twinkle
billions of years in the making.

God could've used a few good women...

or just one smokin' hippie.

But he loafed on the job
for a few billion years;

Now it's make believe
and catch-up time,
all in one galaxy
dripps of paint shimmering
like the heavenly jewels
that make a many-splendored night
exactly what you say it is.




Thank you Drips of Paint for the name! Hope you don't mind that I borrowed it for a mutual friend...
she'll give it back!
clink!

singleton said...

Awwww Eric.....(And Drips!) clinking in down-to-earth real time! What a wonderful thing to hobble off the couch for! I'm so glad to see you back!
"Now it's make believe
and catch-up time,
all in one galaxy"
Yeeeaaaaah! Hooooray!
It's a great day to be a Hippie!
peace~love

eric1313 said...

check us! Clink'in think'in and morning air drink'in all at once!

I felt creatively bankrupt all week long and more... but not now.

peace right out of dodge!

singleton said...

Eric....Yup! New Sun! Must have taken the total eclipse of the Moon to wash us through this tide and toss us back on shore, ready to go....
let it flow, bro, let it flow

eric1313 said...

Glad to be in synchronicity with you. This dial up shit is maddeningly slow, but hey, I'll deal. I alwasys deal... Be back in a minute--breakfast and a smoke break needed.

karma lennon said...

I love rooftop climbing. My best friend growing up lived in a castle, a pepto bismol pink castle and we would climb on the roof all the time, climbing over the turrets and on and sit and talk all night up there looking at the stars. It was the best. :)

SpongyBones said...

It's when she has that spoon in her hand and says, "here take this, it will make the medicine go down" ... oh yeah and she is looking like Nanny McFee when she appears. That's when you need to worry!

Have a safe Labor Day!

singleton said...

Eric....always in sync, even if off the edge! Clink, my friend, even a slow connection is a good one!

karma...Oh, a pepto bismal pink castle! I bet you have a thousand memories hanging from the eaves, crawling up and down, laughing under the star and peppered sky!

spongy....eeeewwww! Don't creep me out! It's all good though, I've switched to beer! You have a good one, too, sweetie. And don't forget to check on Granny!

peace~love all

psycho-therapist said...

aw geez,
you girls are having the month from hell! must be that damn lunar eclipse. but i have no doubt you'll be dancing soon, even if you have to use a crutch!
you girls are infatigable. wish you could bottle it!
p.s. do i have a dirty mind? i looked up close at this artwork and thought yes was sex. ha!
(it has been awhile)

eric1313 said...

I love that drawing, too. It reminds me of a mix between the good old magic eight ball and spin the bottle.

especially those hands reaching out and ready to make dirty little fingerprints all over something or someone...

Sudden Signs, indeed. And the leters on the sides reminds me that you could totally use this as a Ouji (?) board. Ouiji (again?) and spin the bottle and making quiet or loud wishes against the eightball.

Clink! and again...

singleton said...

sweetlisa....I've missed you! I've been there today, climbing your walls, but quietly, softly.....hugs, sweet friend....daughters and lunar eclipses....
peace~love~and i hope you still have a dirty mind!

Eric...Making loud wishes against the eightball! :)Remembering the last time I played spin the bottle, in Beth North.....'s basement (probably shouldn't say her last name in case she could still get in trouble!)
Clink~ya baby!

eric1313 said...

clink me real time--I'm here...

and look at you...
floating like heaven
knows a little secret
dirty and pure
and--
she's not ever going
to tell anyone
anything

unless it's the wind
or that knowing gleam
in eyes she pretends
to shut

but instead they smile...

eric1313 said...

silent and out loud
wishes against the eightball
bottle spin
letters jumping out
running and still

the spell something
but it's a secret

psst.....

Heaven spills it's words
only on the worthy

so tell me
do you float, blue mermaid?
I need not ask
god gave me eyes to see
the waves

forever

amen

singleton said...

psssst.....

eric1313 said...

....yo?

singleton said...

yeah baby!
dialing for words

singleton said...

Pretending that I'm floating in the lazy round river
the aqua sanmarina pool
the puddle at the end of the driveway
skinny said
it's the only way
i can drink left over beers
canned and silver and blue
and
enjoy them cold as bottled....
pretending that I'm floating....

eric1313 said...

pretending I glow
like the sun pretends
to be shoulder to shoulder
but truly it is over head
golden halo effect
on wings

spillt molten gold
and nothing in the way
of our minds flowing
like cheap champaigne
like sun warmed beer
pretending...
it's god's own nectar
pretending...

pretending...

who's pretending?
look who's floating now.

I rose from the sea
a rose of summer's
final blush
pretending I'm you
not
pretending to be free

fly...

eric1313 said...

You liked that dialing for words?

wrote that in seven minutes!

print these babys up...

we'll need our own chap book
very very soon

singleton said...

eric....
oh, we are so gonna do a book.....

singleton said...

there will be blank pages,
total eclipses,
for second thoughts...
and unfinished chapters
because
it's always that way,
and layers
of color
and words in black and white fonts
and stories on top of stories
until it's grafitti
pretending to be paisley,
and true stories
and other lies,
and prose
written in
languages
we made up
on
wooden bridges
clinking
to a sky gone mad.....

Who will read it, do you think?

eric1313 said...

wow. what a night! I've written thousands of words all over the place... visiting everyone all day leaving bits of story and fresh lines everywhere. I knew it would be good practice to get into shape after a week of not writing.

Look at the poem you just wrote. It's almost all done! in minutes!

pssst... clean up in aisle jusgimepeace.... too many revisions!

singleton said...

eric....We're jumping, tumbling, falling, leaping...
in spite of the road rash
from rooftop
to rooftop!
What a ride!

eric1313 said...
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eric1313 said...

what a wild ride
what a free fall
--from innocence,
to experience

but not from grace
never from grace
do we fall or slide

we got grace in spades

or hearts

Kings, Queens
Aces
the Jacks
and a deuce to boot

diamonds
and night clubs
a wild ride at the end
aces high--
read'em but do not weep
just keep grace in hand
and under hat,
but by all means,
lay your hand down
and we'll see what stuff
the onyx-sheen night
is made of;
tonight is a free ride--
jokers wild
even long after the fall.

eric1313 said...
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eric1313 said...

looks like what i told the cast iron harlot was wrong...

but not the part about her beauty.
that's all smiles and truth-be-told

forget me not, cast iron harlot

listen:
the night knows us by a thousand
and one names...

just tell me one more time
how you pronounce the wind
through the leaves
of a lone palm
on our own deserted beach.

Tell me this
and well pick up and fly.

eric1313 said...

you still never clinked me in real time! But we did long distance dance tonight. That was incredible.

singleton said...

eric....you're never wrong, prophetic friend, I wandered away in real time just moments after reading Chapter 7, final draft, to answer the wind knockin' on my door...

"jokers wild
even long after the fall"

undone
un-named
unfinished
unbelievable

Long distance clink!
Long distance dance!
And I can hear the music in the wind....

Shrink Wrapped Scream said...

Oh honey, wrapping you in a cast is like capturing a butterfly behind glass - cruel and painful.

Mend soon, wounded bird - and FLY..

drips of paint said...

thanks for flying over to me and left very nice comment ... appreciate your thought

... in my mind you are always dancing like a butterfly ... love to ask you for the 1st dance when you heal.

Oceanshaman said...

the intensity of this post and its comments amazes me . . .

I'm pretty much speechless and wordless . . .

And also a bit too lazy at the moment to join in . . .

But I love visiting . . .

Singleton, you are a sweet hostess . . .

singleton said...

shrink....wings beating furiously on the glass walls of the mayonaisse jar.....practicing flying in place! LY Girl!

Drips...and the answer is yes, waiting on the first sounds to beckon us onto the dusty dancefloor!

Oceans...And you are welcome anytime, on the porch, where the light is always on and the circle, free, comes and goes, and grows....

peace~love my friends

Enemy of the Republic said...

What a post!


Thanks for what you wrote on my blog. It moved me.

Gillian @ Indigo Blue said...

I, too, believe.
Reasons lurk in the shadows. You are right not to look for them.
All will be explained one day. Then, you shall fly, let alone dance.
xo
Blue

Max-e said...

One fine day you will be back on your feet dancing - in the meantime hang in there.

Scott from Oregon said...

Put wheels on your cast and go rollerblading...

I mean, duh!!

eric1313 said...

butterfly behind glass

death of freedom's wings

but her ressurection poetics

shatter the prison of crystal

and the lesson never learns

that she was never captured

and the captor wasn't blind

but still could not see

that flutering wings

will always be free

eric1313 said...

I'm really tired, or that poem would be better... spruce it up!

It's only something that you tell me over and over again.

until tomorrow, friend

and of course, you and the seawall butterfly of san marino
are always going to be free.
P&L&clink!

Mavin said...

How have your been Singleton?


Take care.

Orhan Kahn said...

It sounds as if your guardian spirit was making sure you were well entertained. Thats a bonus.

singleton said...

enemy....well we're one on that train of thought. I Believe. And find comfort in that. Over and Over again. Peace!

Blue....Oddly, I see the sultry face of "why" already....And I'll take it as a gift.....
Hope you enjoyed your little get-a-way, those little run-a-way days are sometimes the best!
Clink!

Max....I think I;ve got the Flamingo down perfectly. Stand on one leg and let the one in the cast do the air dance! Thanks for stopping by!

Scott....Have you been talking to my neighbors? They had this bright idea to duct tape the crutch to my right leg (freeing up the arms) and sending me right out onto the dance floor!

Eric....
"and the lesson never learns".... Wow! Simply beautiful! I was down for the count early on last night too! Rest, there's another day, another night to be free left in this gifted week-end!

Mavin....better by the minute! And gathering gifts along the way....observations, thoughts, dreams, words that I'm usually too busy to appreciate, ponder, enjoy...Sometimes you have to stop the world and climb off....See it from a distance to truly appreciate it all! Hope you're doing good, too!

Peace~love to all

singleton said...

Orhan....You,sweet friend, are one of those entertaining Spirits! Peace~love my Friend!

Rachelle said...

Oh my heck!!

I leave for a few days, and just look what happens!!!
You poor dear, I remember those dreams.... that was Vicodin for me, had to throw it out the window when my child's stuffed animals began moving on their own accord.
YIPES!!
Big hugs for you, and take it easy!
Slainte~
Rachelle

eric1313 said...

Dancing Over The Seven Seas
E1313

sweet singer of ocean's song,
summon me a seabreeze
from Neptune's garden scene

Open the windows and doors
to let your voice fly
across the miles in between

let miriad colors mingle,
and the long grass sway-dance
to your music's undieing lilt

the long night
will ask you
"why?"

the reasons are secret;
of mysteries they are built

like a hand of cards
aces and eights--
reborn after a fall

a paper fan
to cover your smile,
the eyes shine, knowing all

intrinsic layered mystery
of reason's forgotten rhyme

veiled in the light of eternity
moon goddess untouched by time

blind as my eye am
is
was
will be
to all other beauty

but this singular
sweet southern wind
whilring
shifting, soothing
swirling

A gift of love made clearly
in the shadows of light and grace
cherished it is
and meant-to-be

--given away
to the unbroken circle

priceless
true
and free

eric1313 said...

Dang...

That one was a pain in the arse to write!

Hope you are well, hope you have you army of love and flowers and rays of light around you.

Clink them for me!
Peace out, Blue Lady friend.

singleton said...

rachelle....Thank God there are no stuffed animals left in this house! Yikes! Peace~love~happy anniversary sweet girl!

Eric....Ahhhhh, just clomped over here, climbing the walls, and gotta tell ya......The Army has been amazing, and the flowers, well, there all from you! Thank you my friend, pain in the arse, and all! To Timing, and aces and Eights! Southern Winds and Sundays! Clink!

eric1313 said...

clink!

Sorry I missed you. We'll have to write more sometime soon.

The flowers are from me, for sure. But those people in your life who love you, they are flowers, they are the rays of light. I'm one too, but glad I am that you have so many more who think so much of you.

much peace

clink!

No said...

I used to love Pippie Longstocking when I was a chld...thanks for bringing her back for a visit!

singleton said...

Eric...They are the sunshine over and over again, everywhere I look, and yup, you're the flowers on the wall! Much peace back to you, my friend!

No...When my grandaughter was born, we went to the ends of the earth to drum up that orignal Pippi movie! Pippi rocks on and on and on :)

singleton said...

Everybody.....Eric's poem scribbled on the walls of the comment boxes here, has come to live in real life @ 8 mile love grafitti..... check it out, it's absolutely beautiful!
Peace everyone~love grows

Maithri said...

What a courageous, powerful spirit you are dear friend. I'm so grateful to read everything you write. Thank you for seeking the meaning behind things, for daring to be yourself at all times, for believing in the Good.

The world needs more dancers like you. The ones who step in time with the rhythms of life, who are aware of the other dancers around them, and who are ever searching for freedom.

With Love, M.

Maithri said...

Dance when you're broken open.
Dance when you've torn the bandage off.
Dance in the middle of fighting.
Dance in your blood.
Dance when you're perfectly free.
Struck, the dancer hears a tambourine inside her,
like a wave that crests into foam at the very top,
Begins.
Maybe you don't hear that tambourine,
or the tree leaves clapping time.
Close the ears on your head,
that listen mostly to lies and cynical jokes.
There are other things to see, and hear.
Music. Dance.
A brilliant city inside your soul!
--Rumi

singleton said...

maithri....beautiful....
"A brilliant city inside your soul".....
and yes, there are other things to see and hear....
funny, to me how we so often get so caught up in our own little world, that we often miss the gifts that are free.....the ones waiting to be discovered....the ones right there in front of us all along, if we just open our arms, our eyes, our hearts. I met a very wise woman a long time ago....and she was an old soul.... she showed me things I had never seen before.....explained things in a way I had never heard before....and she walked in peace. Her secret, I came to learn, was to not judge.....to step for just a moment in to the lizard's body to understand his curiousity, into the cat's mind, to feel her instincts, into the palm of a child's hand to feel their awe, into the worn-out pockets of the homeless man to feel his hunger. I still think about her often......
peace~love~and may we all dance and laugh and sing....

Maithri said...

Dear Singleton,

I wanted to offer you this... http://soaringimpulse.blogspot.com/2007/09/sharing-light.html

So here it is! http://bp1.blogger.com/_6Q0dJUaCE-E/Rh-txUf3HgI/AAAAAAAAAMc/VmWnlZ3Y_Ig/s1600/%2BThinking%2BBlogger%2BAward.jpg

Thank you for your beautiful site,

Light and love, Maithri

Maithri said...

Also had to share this one with you - seems so appropriate -

I saw you dancing last night
on the roof of your house
all alone.
I felt your heart longing for the Friend.
I saw you whirling
beneath the soft bright rose
that hung from an invisible stem in the sky.
So I began to change into my best clothes
in hopes of joining you,
even though I live a thousand miles away.
And if you had spun like an immaculate sphere
just two more times,
then bowed again so sweetly to the east,
you would have found God and me
standing so near
and lifting you into our arms.
I saw you dancing last night
near the roof of this world
---Hafiz

singleton said...

Maithri....
Thank you....and if
in my dream I had spun
"just two more times"
I would have heard
this music
softly
lightly
from a thousand miles away....

peace~love~listening

eric1313 said...

Hey, Singy baby! I put this one together from spare words above.

Gotta love spare words, oh yeah!

Last night was beautiful, my friend. Like always, like it should always be.



Heaven's Dirty Secret
E1313


Look at her, she's floating,
laughing at my shadow,
eyes like heaven
knows a little secret,
pure and dirty.

She won't ever tell...
not a soul knows,
unless it's the wind--
she tells the wind
everything.

She shuts her eyes,
pretending, but she sees me,
lieing down in the dark
and they smile,
wishing against
the eightball-bottle,
spinning, pointing
at her, at me, in the dark.

psst.....

Heaven spills
it's secrets only
on the worthy.

psst.....

She might be worthy,
but I might not be.

Does she float,
like a butterfly?
Sting like a bee?

"Heaven is a lonely place"
she whispers,
"or shadows remain below"
And I take her hand,
pointing to the wall;
Look at what
our shadows do now, I say,
floating together, apart
together, waves churning
in silver-eyed moon light,
dirty and pure, forever.

singleton said...

She tells,
you know....

and of course, you do,
shadow dancing......
captured by the polaroid...
black and white
ghost gray on film

dirty and pure, forever