I'm too many people. Our dictationist, Sweet Sunny Anne, had a stroke in January, and I hauled her little machine home and took over where she left off. Everyday she goes to Rehab and every night I type on and on and on.... She's learning to walk again and talk again....and maybe one day, live again.... Until then I'm typing....My right arm, Emily, is finally on the kidney transplant list. It's her turn now. We watch the clock and wait for the beep.... "It's your turn now"..... and I pray it won't be long. She's irreplaceable, so when she retired at the early age of "I have to", I didn't even try.
Chey got offered the moon and the stars on some crazy undiscovered planet, and after 17 years, flew the coop, feathers flying. I miss her. The good Doctor misses her. The patient's miss her. And if I didn't have straight blonde hair, I could pass for her...
I wake up kicking, tossing, flinging, flailing. remembering everything I forgot to do the day before. I grit my teeth. Make endless lists that I forget to read and plop them on the empty refrigerator.
Today, my part~time help quit. She was an angel. She wants to live her life. Not spend it clockin' in..... counting change....X-ing off days on the calender for being free. She wants to be free now.
I smiled. She cried and told me it was OK to cuss her. I hugged her.
Tonight I came home and pulled out the markers, the pencils, the pens..... and colored. For the first time since hell broke out at my house , a mermaid the color of a 1000 tadpoles surfaced on the bent pages of my notebook. Her peace sign, tethered to her neck, floating up.... up....up....free....
And I remembered,
in the end peace wins....
You gotta live it, to know it....
15 comments:
Aaahh..., My friend
Its so good to read your beautiful words...
to breathe in
the fragrance of
a wild ocean
this morning...
To sit at the window of my mind,
watching the mermaids breath kiss the shore and remember
that someday we'll all be free...
So much love to you,
and peace
M
The doors swing both ways sisterlove... and just because we don't know it, doesn't mean it isn't real. The good stuff has always been right by your side. ILYSVM
... and when one door closes another one opens... nothing is ever lost, but something will always be gained :O
you are incredible. this post is incredible. you have a way of saying everything in circles, perfectly formed and whole.
i'm glad to know you're coloring. i'm writing. in the midst of things breaking and tumbling, here we sit.
xo
If ever I think my lot in life is sub-par (which I don't), I should be glad that I can run and play and laugh and not worry about my health. Too much, that is. Strokes run in my familly--we're a high strung lot, cantcha tell?
Are you awake yet? Soon you will be.
One day soon we'll have to Party like never before. The porch will be rocking, so forget about the house, the door the knock knock wrap wrap bulloni.
Scribbling on the walls...
How I miss it so.
Maithri....
Sometimes
your very words are what set me free....
I borrow one~liners of wisdom from your world and recite them over and over again....
And yes,
one day
we'll all be free...
Until then,
we have to believe....
Much love, my friend, and peace
Skinny....:)LOL! I got in the car last night, hot as a cat on a tin roof, and what CD fell from the console to tangle up under my feet? THE DOORS! The BEST of....
ILYSVVM sister Love
Shimmerings....And that is so true, the butterfly effect personified! Everything for a reason, everything in it's season..
Cheers! To All that's meant to be...
KJ...I couldn't be "sittin" in better company! When all else fails, go back to the beginning, to the tiny little place where peace begins....in our imaginations! Write on, sweet friend, and when I can finally climb outa this chaos, and jump fences again, I'm gonna come over and sit forever in your house....reading all the pages, the days, the wisdom I've missed lately!
Eric....Whooo!Hooo! Welcome back to the neighborhood, I so hope that backpack of yours is stuffed with scribbles....You've been missed my poetic prophetic friend!
Peace where you can find it,
Love
everychance you get, my friends
And look at that baby! He's getting fat for sure! I'm so glad all of that worked out for you.
The only scribblings I have are in my head, but there's plenty to do, plenty to write. The words--like ever before--are my friends. I just have to go find them again, it's been a while since I had a chance at some peace.
Eric....
Baby Love is a treasure, carrot topped and toothless grinned, a blessing greater than I could have ever imagined! Love grows.....
And scribblin' in your noggin' is wonderful, words, thoughts, perfectly unchained endings hanging there...
waiting to be born....
waiting on the man
to empty his pockets
inside out and spill
the treasures on the dresser top. I'm hoping you peace now, and a keyboard....or a bic pen....
to bring it all home again....
hey eric! hi there!
The star of the east
will take me home;
she smiled brighter
that Parisian lights
than Las Vegas nights
the wind of the west
caresses my back
pushes me forward
when I thought
I could take not
one
more
step
the kiss of the north
is on my lips
as the words tumble
off my tongue
in jumbles
in clumps
fits and starts
she wraps her self
in their aegis
and I can only babble on
into the night's cool bliss
Look! The man has built a great tower of stone that reaches to the heavens; soon nothing that they can conceive of will be beyond their reach. Go down, let us go down and confound their language, so they will not understand one another's speech, and to the four corners of the earth will they be scattered with the wind like dust from which they were born
The eye of the south
is blue like the ocean's heart
watching me,
speaking only with her glance
telling me that one day soon
the words
will be understood
as though they were placed in the heart
by a loving god
as the star of the east
touches me
with a sweetest of all fires
inspiration--
to reach heaven
not as conquerors
but as lost children
finding their way home
out of the night
out of this longest of all nights
--
That would be a better last line, I think.
Thank you for your words, and you know I will always return them with as much strength and passion as I can.
I feel at home, you know what I mean?
Ah....so good to remember when we get so stressed out and are being everything to everybody. Peace is sweet.
amen- time for a mini beach trip??? Eric's back Yay - you're right - before we hit tilt - we remember PEACE Sk
Wise words from a shiny soul. Do not underestimate how resilient you are.
kj.....
how cool is that? Reunion week-end!
Eric...
"out of this longest of all nights"......
And we know now
that
there are no clocks,
no calendars,
no "look Ma! Watch me's"....
its just now....
an un~named day,
khaki colored or neon lit,
and it's all we've got.....
Welcome back to the hood, friend,
where the porch light is always on....
and Friday's are for dancin'.....
karma....Sometimes we gotta fight for it! Grab it and run! Much love little one.....and peace, always....
Ibeati.....I'm soooooooooooo feeling that mini.........Wooing it actually! "tilt"! i love that you used that word.....Tilt a whirl! My mad favorite ride at the fair! And yeah, how cool is it that Eric's back on the block?
Electric.....I thought of you this week-end....on my crazy trip to peace....Found what looked like a cocoon on the fence post, or an old peace of bark, and when I touched it, wings a thousand years old fluttered....and eyes, even older, stared back at me.... I showed him to two other people and he never moved again...."its a cocoon" "It's fungai"....and then today he flew off.....Phantoms....
Peace~love my friends....
you gotta live it.....
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