Friday, September 28, 2007

Poisen

I slept cast-footed and fully dressed. Piled on top of the covers, Georgia breathing, panting, protectively resting beside me. In the dark, I closed my eyes hard. Trying to block the noise out. Counting. Forwards. Backwards.

He's haunted. Night haunted. And when the spooky things come, he hunts me. His Mother. He comes to me to tell....to rant, to rave, to pull me into his suffering, to pay me back, to taunt me into saving him. To hand me the keys to his make believe grenade and dare me to breathe, to accidently set it off.

I've prayed. Spent every dime I've had. And borrowed more. I've loved unconditionally and tough loved. I've enabled him and disabled him in doing so. I've tried.

In the morning light, I watch for hope. For the slightest sign the storm has passed, again.

It's hurricane season.....
And I'm boarding up the house....

80 comments:

karma lennon said...

Sometimes all you can do is let them go through it on their own and whatever happens will happen. At least you're trying though. Some parents ignore the haunted.

Maithri said...

Dear friend, I wonder what secrets a mothers heart could tell...

Asking the universe to impart to you that special wisdom specific to this stage of his souls journey - may everything fall into perfect place. words,silences,actions. So that the pain at the heart of the hurricane is soothed.

He loves you mom,

Maithri.

JustRun said...

I cannot imagine that, my heart being pulled opposing directions like that. Often the biggest realizations come after the storm, though. I hope that's his (and your) experience soon.

paddy said...

I love the dream of pleasant, ahhh! weather in Florida, but your mention of hurricane interrupts my dreams. I suppose with dreaming comes now and again the nightmare, the tearaway horse that bolts like lightening, and no stopping, until she's exhausted. But when she stops I can imagine the peace and calm of the glad spirit to be spared a fall, as you climb back into the saddle and drift back into the sunset.
Y;-) Paddy

eric1313 said...

"To hand me the keys to his make believe grenade and dare me to breathe, to accidently set it off."

What ancient, cheshire-grinning god posessed you to pen that all-expressive line?

Damn, Sing.

That's a million-dollar line if ever I saw one.

Sounds like you may have to do what you have to do. He'll understand; you're there for support, not to carry him.

Loved the metaphor of boarding up your house for the storm season, too. Metaphor and vivid imagery are at your command, elements crackling at the fingertips of wizard.

singleton said...

karma....the angry monsters in his mind are hungry and he feeds them fire....alcohol and God knows what to keep them alive, pacing, chanting....I can't fight them for him, we all have our own, and his are wild beasts that he's never tried to tame....it breaks my heart, and too many times has almost broken my spirit....I love him endlessly, but on the nights he is witchhunting, I can't be his prey anymore....his words are killing me slowly...
Still, I pray....

Maithri....thank you friend, and I do know that he loves me, and both hates me at the same time....for truly, if you are filled with hate, wherever it is born from, who, but your Mother can you take it out on, and know....when the storm is over, you'll still be loved. I have prayed many a night for his peace, sometimes for his mere survival....and I pray now, that he finds it soon....that he saves himself from the monster that looms the largest....

justrun...I hope that is the outcome also. We have ridden this horror story out many times....random nights for random reasons...a perfectly beautiful day gone awry, terribly, terribly awry. But I've never stopped believeing that "in the end, peace wins....." ...

paddy..." the tearaway horse that bolts like lightening, and no stopping, until she's exhausted" and so it is true..... If only I could saddle up now, windy blue skies have painted away the tell-tell signs of the night before, and ride barefoot aimlessly peacefully to the river.....

Eric....here in my living room hell, buried in the darkest trenches, it felt exactly like that. At any given moment, the wrong word, a breath too deep, would send him catapulting further..... And I'd give a million dollars to have been spared the inspiration of that one line....And I am boarding up my house....And setting it back in order. Here, within these walls, that you pictured, described, saw so vividly in Gimmepeace is the one thing I hold dearest, the one thing that has been tattered, tethered, damaged, until it is almost unrecognizable.....Peace, "because I give it away for free"....
And the time has come....for me to protect that with the same MotherLioness instinct I have protected them all these years....

Peace~love to you all....may we feel it, share it, learn from it....
May it move mountains and build bridges....

eric1313 said...

ohhhhh.....
Sing, my friend, I didn't realize it was that bad. I hope you both get that peace that you so very much deserve. How could anyone think of you as an enemy?

So, by boarding up the windows... the gales must be quite fierce. I'm sorry my friend, so sorry to hear. I'm here all day--drop me a line. Or two...

You know...

karoline said...

((((singleton)))

from one mother to another,
i wish you strength, strength to continue the good fight.

i wish you much courage, because when it's the darkest, that's what you will need.

i wish you clarity, clarity to be able to dig down to the blood and guts so that he may truly heal.

and i wish you love, from the child of a dependant parent, to the mother of an dependant child...because love is all you really need.

lastly, i wish him all the same...bless you both...nothing but good thoughts from me to you...


k:)))

singleton said...

Eric....It's all good. As good as chaos can be.....the boys left today, in peace, time to be the 6ftplus 200 pound men they can be...maybe "not all they can be", but on their way..... it was a quiet going, stillness in the air, and tonight, I'm one footed dancing to Stevie Ray cleaning up the aftermath....
and praying.....
the way I do...
and I know he understands....


brown paper bag lunch
soggy on the outside
greasy
waiting
watching the clock
and it's the PBJ
that I craved
that I forgot was
there smashed at
the bottom
wrapped in crinkled tinfoil
that unfolded
became a
jimi hendrix flag
with the words
printed neatly
on the
perfect white sandwich bread
with the crust trimmed just so....

The package arrived and "the house is rockin' tonight".....

singleton said...

karoline....we were typing in real time....and I wish the screen would open up and become the curly cord from a telephone line....I have only gotten a glimpse of your familiarity with my now....

personal, but so raw and real, and frightening, and how strong you've had to be.....
yes, we have to have broad shoulders....
and I have never stopped for one micro second loving this child that I fought to bring into this world....
and I've fought the parade of demons until I'm exhausted and spent..... and realized that the only one that can truly fight the demons and win....is him. My victories are shallow ones.....His are the ones that might change the course....
And i'm praying
and cheering
that this time,
nudged from the nest,
he will pull his broken wings up close and near and dear
and fly.....
like we practiced
when he was
little
and free...

peace~love, my friend, your words are tonic to my soul, your experiences, been~there's testimonials to faith......

Anonymous said...

Persichetti says...

My dear friend...there is no doubt that you did all that you could for the children - who are adults now- God - that is almost too amazing to believe. But know this, to this day I carry with me the lessons you taught me as I watched you raise those little ones (yes it was a long time ago). They were lessons of love and laughter and fun and I still remember how you looked at them with so much love and how you allowed them to be themselves and to be so free. Everytime Daniel hops on the couch - I think of you. Everytime I see crayon, paint or writing on the walls, I think of you and every time he has silly, goofy, hysterical fun, I think of you. And in those times I just smile at him or giggle with him. There is no such thing as too much love so your unconditional love will go full circle one day through him.

Scott from Oregon said...

Send that boy to me, I'll straighten his caboose.

eric1313 said...
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eric1313 said...
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eric1313 said...
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eric1313 said...

oops... blogger brain-farted and posted my comment three times!

eric1313 said...

I knew, knew, knew that that would be the perfect gift. And sure enough the night I sent it out you said to me in one of the poems, that the neighbors shouldn't bother knockin' and just go inside.

---
Got Alice Cooper on, my fellow Detroit hombre, singin' "she struts into the room, but I don't know her..."



It's that wavelength
that we're tuned to.

Every station picked up
from the rolling east
to the rocky left coast
sings a song we know,
can always dance to--
weather it's a rock
or a ball and chain
or shiny dog-boy boots
around ecstatic feet
that just want--
only dream--
to be fridaynight free

Are you hearing it?
better yet,
are you feelin' it?

Maithri said...

The thankless job, the rewardless job, the love which seems to fall on unreceptive ground. That is so often the most important.

Thank you for the love you give,

Light and peace,

Maithri

singleton said...

Persichetti, my love.....Oh my God, girl, I'm here wandering the halls, and you blessed spirit, were there for his very very first words...."nuh, uhhhhh, i'm goin up theya"........ It's so hard, we think we can save them from everything.....and I remember the first moment, I knew I couldn't.....
their daddy had brought them home on a Sunday night, and I stood in the doorway, patient as he unloaded them from the safety of their little carseats....not wanting to interfere with his last moments. He freed Haley from her contraption and she came running, arms flailing, legs leaping, into my arms....when he released Jonah moments later, from his caride sleep, he twirled, and took off running too....the opposite way, down the driveway....I remember it in slow motion.....the running, leaping through the air, the arms stretching gumby like and grasping....the sound of the tires crunching.....he was no more than 2 inches from my saving grace when the angels intervened....when I couldn't reach far enough to save my only son....when the truck stopped on a dime....I saw his face, his sheer horror, as I scooped my baby up......And I knew then......
what close calls were all about....
we've had so many.....
I miss you so much.....call me please at the office, we've lost the land phone connection and we can't lose our connection!
Peace~love kisses to that precious Daniel boy!

eric1313 said...

hope your OK, Singleton. I worry about ya...

singleton said...

scott....I've sent him everywhere. He has to find himself, I'm afraid.

Eric... "whether it's a rock
or a ball and chain
or shiny dog-boy boots
around ecstatic feet"
I hear the music.....
I just got off the phone with SLB and have to tell you guys, and our friend She, you were all love potion today....I threw on my Lucky T-shirt and braved it.....
and friday nights are free....

maithri...if only it works...I have never wanted Mother's Day celebrated in my honor, so silly, or expected to be rewarded in any way other than their peace, their happiness, and their health.... If I could give this child, my only son, just one gift before I leave this earth, it would be of peace.....from that he would learn love....and realize that perhaps, it had been there all along.

Peace~love my friends, "it takes an army to raise a child"......




Eric...
"

singleton said...

ooops, Eric.....doing good.....
home tonight....
wandering the halls
and they are
nodding back at
me
they've been here waiting all
along
strong

eric1313 said...

strong
and
no storm
no wrath
of some forgotten
god
can tear these walls
to the ground

no frost can freeze
a heart beating
so willful
so strong
as the heart of
a mother, dearest
of all

love will last
until the end

eric1313 said...

I did't mean God when I said god...

you know the difference...

singleton said...

eric...I know.
There is absolutely no way, no words to explain the
way
it feels
bottomless
the deep deep water
and his anger at
me, my peace~love and all
that hoo-hah
the words he said
I would live to
regret.....
God, I hope I never
ever
ever
regret those words....
peace~love......
and that he someday
understands
them
in their black and white

eric1313 said...

They mean only that;
Peace
to end hostility
to bring souls together
to engender good will
to make bridges
and not burn them

Love
to have powerful, positive emotion
to have fear not for one's self,
but for the sake of another
to make bridges
and never to see them light
the nightime blackened sky
with the orange glow
of their destruction.

I know...

I had a brother, Jason
still do
but he doesn't have anyone
burnt those bridges
and laughs at the fact
that my mother cries every night
and has for ten years
because he is in prison
and yet
he still laughs...

sometimes
I think
I only have only one brother
instead of two--
but that would make me
worse than he
since really
I am free

and he sings carelessly
in a concrete and steel cage
of his very own design

singleton said...

You will
always
have two
one free
and one
not
and
she celebrates
your victories
your chances
your life
and
who said you'd be dead inside
eventually
it never happens
for those that grieve
for those that lose a loved one

OMG
God bless your Mama
and the circle
and Jason
lost
and laughing
at
love

singleton said...

I'm so sorry for him, and you, and your brother, and sister and your
parents....
and all he could have known
and if I could reach out and hug your Mom.....
I would....

eric1313 said...

That's the finest wish one could have. Bless Debbie Moss, then Debbie Bachman, and finally Debbie Luch, because she always tried to make things work, aevn when the rest don't seem to care anymore.

Thank you, Singleton. You make me feel instantly better.

singleton said...

ahh, Eric, and here it comes, the bringing out....the damage done...
and the circle
growing

eric1313 said...

Only married twice, the second time for good. She's determined. To bad her and dad had to hit a wall. But everything in life happens for a reason. God knows, if Jay-bird (as he is often reffered to as) hadn't gone to the slammer, he might have done something even worse... he could be a violent little putz. I'm the oildest, but after a while I got sick of being his dad. I'm not supposed to kick his but all the time. All it eventually did was make him avoid me and still be horrible to mom and sister Kristen.

It sucks.

singleton said...

And what demons lurk there? What drove him, sent him, led him, lured him, tricked him, lulled him there? This is
a Mother's
torment.....
and Kristen's memories....
and no
you are not your brother's keeper....

eric1313 said...

Nobody taught him to be that way...

He wanted everything now and didn't want to work for anything, wouldn't pay dues, and had no sense of compassion--seems I hogged all the compassion. He blames mom. Says it was her fault because she wouldn't buy him a car. She didn't buy me a car. She paid for one and I paid her back. He believes what he wants to believe--he has no sense of reality. He wouldn't get a job, so one day, him and three friends walked into a Big Boy restaurant at six AM, waved around guns, tied people up, and shot at a woman who ran out the front door after hiding. They stole three hundred dollars. He was caught three days later. He was eighteen for three weeks.

eric1313 said...

Thank god he didn't hit her. She was pregnant. She ran across Gratiot Ave, the busiest street in Michigan, divided road with five lanes in either direction, ran across traffic and everything.

Thank God nobody died.

singleton said...

And this, my friend, is my nightmare....
"he was eighteen for three weeks"....
and you live it
and iknowyouknowiknow
the way your Mom
wanted to upchuck
her whole entire life
but couldn't
because it would change everyone and everything else and that was good, but this wasn't,
and
in the end,
there was absolutely nothing anyone but him could do to
change
it.
And of course, no one taught him to be that way, but ask him that.....
and like the hurricane
he'll blame the destruction
on what was in his path

singleton said...

OMG Eric....
Thank God.....

eric1313 said...

Exactly. You know. I know, too.

He blames everyone, and to this day he is the same exact smirking snot that he was at age 9 and at age 13 and at 18 and now at 29, when we visited, Kristen and I, he refused to see Dad (dad won't send him money, since he keeps getting caught with drugs in his cell, so now he hates dad, he says), but when Kristen said Mom cries about it every night, he interupted her, cut her off and said "good, she should" looked at me, crossed his arms, said "she should cry".

I wanted to call a guard over just to see if he would beat the crap out of the little bastard, since I'd end up in there with him if I decked him in the mouth that said those words and smiled and laughed and crossed his arms like it's all his master plan...

eric1313 said...

Post again soon, hippie momma. I'm here with ya. I'll be comment number one.

singleton said...

I can't find the words. To say how sorry I am, for you, for Kristen, for your parents, for him ...I can't find the words....

eric1313 said...

You don't have to. I know you know, remember?

singleton said...

Tomorrow is another day....another trip fantastic by the yellow butterfly...who knows where she'll go or see or what she'll touch....but I'll watch and take short-hand notes and record her every move....and post again.....thank you sweet friend, for sharing thoughts, and heartstrings, and Stevie Ray.....
Fridays are for dancing
and
sometimes
just for being Fridays...

eric1313 said...

I'm glad to have you to talk to.

eric1313 said...

you'll love that book, too. Its one of my favorites, about how artists can't have normal lives.

Very poigniant. It's about love and everything.

eric1313 said...

You got the poem? I could send you another--unfolded, I have big envelopes now.

singleton said...

and so am I,
peace~love my friend,
and those are words to live by....

singleton said...

Ahhh...
no,
it came folded
creased
a concert ticket
tucked into a levi pocket
a gas reciept
from
borrowed dimes
a telephone number
worn thin....
and
it's where I said it would be
up against the wall
my house
in your imagination
in real time
in real life
"and there is no peace,
because you give it away for free"

singleton said...

And BTW the jeans fit like perfect pajamas...so I'm gonna winter it in sock feet...and by summer, well, I hope you don't mind....there will probably be holes in both the knees and....
I'll take them to the beach!

Mavin said...

Hey Singy, I missed blogging too much I'm back! It was a good week and half long break. :)


Hurricanes? Florida gets hit by them all the time. Amazingly Texas or at least South Central Texas hasn't be hit by any hurricanes this year yet, Houston has but not San Antonio. All we've been hit with was tropical storm Erin back in August.


Take care.

savannah said...

peace, sugar...for you and yours

Beerspitnight said...

Even through destruction, something is created.

Eric 1313 said...

eric1313 said...
Homecomings
(a gift to Singleton)


Because you give peace away
...for free...
It will always fly
back to your heart,
golden winged babe--
a soul of light
against the shroud
of deepest night.

But do not grieve,
for the sun will
return
as your son will
return
as love given will
return
as peace
given away freely
will always return...

"Tomorrow",
she whispers
"you will see everything
as if time is a newborn"

Darkness can hold no terror,
hold no deadly secret
because in the end,
as you say, 'peace wins'.

And this you live by,
as surely as we live
by the burning lights
of a forever-young sun.

kj said...

i've read this twice, plus most of the comments.

i want to think about this before i offer my own comment. for now, i just want you to know i've heard your voice...

singleton said...

mavin....Florida has been spared so far this year also....I don't want to do that again....it seemed to take forever to get everything put back together after the three storms knocked us down over and over again....and for some, they never were able to rebuild their lives as they once knew them. We were the lucky ones. This hurricane is one that hovers always, sometimes in the distant sky....sometimes much much closer to home. Glad to have you back in the neighborhood!


savannah.....Wishing you well Sweetie.....Us black-eyed broken footed girls gotta stick together! Your peace wishes are always accepted with open arms, Thank you,friend

beerspit.....Sage words. Skinny and I have had many a late night talk over the peace, or necessary change, that is sometimes born of chaos. So now we wait....

Eric....
""Tomorrow",
she whispers
"you will see everything
as if time is a newborn"

and that my friend, is the gift of hope,
the whispers of the yellow Butterfly of San Marina....Thank you.....

KJ...."Given what is,
What am I to do?".....from the spirit guides.....Sometimes for all we know, and all we say, and all we believe....the answer is yet to be found....

Peace~love and this is Tomorrow, my friends.....

eric1313 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
eric1313 said...

Glad you liked it, Sing. A bit formal of a presentation... but you fixed that;)
I'm glad you liked it. Here's a real far out dream of a verse...


Ballad of San Marina and Aquilla
E1313

And for just once, all is tomorrow.
Everything is new, even time
itself won't laugh, but squall
and coo like today is the first
in the wilds of this existence-scheme.

A butterfly and a phoenix--
winging around through the wild blue
in ever-widening loops,
above the flowers blossoming from ashes,
feeling the breeze as it settles down
from the keening gales of yesterday,
of existence minus one,
the second before everything
became real.

Today is the day of the peace-victory.
Today is a day that will bring everything
drifting back on dreamwings...
silk-embroidered soft gold linings
majestic as the glowing plumes
of its incindiery counterpart,
both turning circles, around--
around, and again...

The golden butterfly, she knew...
and so it is... that peace wins;
the phoenix, aquilla, fire of the ocean,
born from his own ashes, to rise again;
Both living in tomorrow,
more than a dream--but everything
renewed,
As promised by the returning sun,
rising from the sea,
bathing everything
in the incandescent hues of molten tomorrow--
tomorrow, now, and inperpetuity,
soft wings and flame trails,
circles spun forever.

KaiBlueCreations said...

..in the end everything comes back full circle.. love your stories..
PEace, Kai

singleton said...

eric....
the summer triangle
in the sky
"as promised by the returning sun,
rising from the sea"
And ballads, are like that, you know.....
my poetic, prophetic, piscean friend.....
And I didn't get to tell you, and don't want to forget, that the poems on the back of the gift are beautiful, too.....I wondered for a moment if there was a way to double glass frame them and hang them like windchimes.....
Thank you, my friend....

kaiblue...And may the circle be unbroken.....and ever growing....
wide

Peace~love and simple Saturdays are for that....

eric1313 said...

glad you liked them. I thought they would be perfect.

So, were you going to dress the poem up with some art around the columns of words? It would make a beautiful thing that much prettier..

singleton said...

eric...the columns stand on their own....the words, blue inked and blue souled, moving to the music just so, like you know, and there, at the end of the hall, the vein that runs from room to room, she glows in the hand-me-down shadows from the
light
strobing
blinking
a thousand prisms dancing
on her
so true
grafitti......

eric1313 said...

you said it all...

I just imagined it...
with little butterflies
and dragonflies,
maybe even a fly!

or a beautiful lady's blue green ocean-eyes peeking out at the reader.

But you said it all...

you know.

skinnylittleblonde said...

ILYSVMSS....Gonna start counting the day until June once I get my head screwed back on straight. 'It will be an exciting adventure.' ILY!

sandykessler said...

moi aussi!!

Shimmerrings said...

Singleton, there is surely no majic formula, been there, done that. Even now, my oldest being 29, and my oldest being 24, they aren't doing/living exactly the way I think they should be, but I know that I did my best, with what I had, and where I was at. They were raised up in a pretty tumultuous home, much confusion going on between their father and I... the father being an alcoholic and drug addict, and suicidal. I hung in the marriage for far too long, and gave my children a lot more freedoms than I had, because my own upbringing had been far too strick. Even in my own family, with an older brother and an older sister, each of us turned out differently, so not really like we can point to anything that the parent's did different, with any one of us, just that we are each individuals, with our own stubborn personalities. Some go through the school of hard knocks. All you can really do is Love... and know that time will change all things. Try and remember what Khalil Gibran wrote:

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, "Speak to us of Children."
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

I shared this with my own father, when I was in my "I gotta find myself" mode...

May Love & Light surround your home and touch all who enter there.

singleton said...

eric....
youknowiknowyouknow

slb...counting ilysvvfm!

sandy...and the circle is growing. hugs.....

shimmerings....thank you, funny, my Father first gave me The Prophet...I gave it to my brother, replaced it and gave it away, replaced it and gave it away so many times I cannot count, the last time when my sweet soulful friend Joe passed away and his bride of many many years was blank...blue eyes staring without life....she cherishes it, the pages, the words, the wisdom....Perhaps I need to hunt up another copy and hold it tight...Your love and light have touched here. Thank you.

Peace~love to all
It weighs more than anything.....

Mavin said...

Singleton come by, you're an understand person tell me what you think of this.

sandykessler said...

what part of Fla are you in?I live in Spring Lake county of 86 lakes- love it

Rachelle said...

Oh honey,
My heart aches for you as a mommy.
We all hope and pray that we will never have to go through this, but- we do don't we?

I think it is all a part of letting go, and as a mother, that is the hardest thing to do.
I will pray that you both will have the strength to get through this in one piece, and will be able to look back on it together one day from a safer place.

Here for you, clinks to you from one mother to another.
Love,
Rachelle

Oceanshaman said...

Your post made me think of Kahlil Gibran's The Prophet, as well . . .

Kids. Tough stuff. The hardest thing, apart from lovers, from which to detach in the pursuit of spiritual balance . . .

Love and detachment . . . yin and yang . . . light and dark . . . and we take on the job of melding the two as we embark upon our daily walk (or hobble, in your case, given the cast) . . .

Namaste, sister . . .

eric1313 said...

At least brother Aaron is doing fine. We finished the back porch patio, ate chicken kabobs and corn on the cob grilled in its husk (so good!) drank a couple few clanks!, and swatted the mosquitos away all day with all the rest of the clan who could make it.

Iknowuknowweknowweknowit2.

drips of paint said...

Oh, my dear friend I bleed with you ...

faith, hope & peace!

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

Oh dear.

singleton said...

mavin.....I'll probably stop by tonight, week-end was nonstop....just scooching on here real quick before bopping into morning traffic....I'm glad you're back....!

sandy....it's a small small world we live in....:)

rachelle....thank you for the warm thoughts....as parents we are constantly building bridges...some to carry us over, some to lead the way....and some to just promise that the roads untraveled have hope...Peace and love, my friend

singleton said...

oceans.....And somehow, I know you know....Thank you, my friend

Eric....because Sunday's are for peace! Here's to the new porch! And clinkin'!

Drips....and the key is faith. Believing good will come. Thank you my friend

Ultra....yup. But love grows. That's what I'm bankin' on.....

Peace~love to all
I'll catch up with everyone soon, this week has been.....
well, you know.....

Orhan Kahn said...

You make it so easier to live where I am, as much as I find it stale and boring sometimes. Nothing would excite me more than a hurricane sweeping through our streets, nothing would ruin my house of cards eaiser either ;)

Maithri said...

Dear Singleton, there is a blessing by the great Irish poet John O'Donohue which i revisited recently... i wanted to offer it to you and your son during this time.

On the Day when the weight
deadens on your shoulders
and you stumble
May the clay dance to balance you

And when your eyes
freeze behind
the grey window
And the ghost of loss
gets into you
may a flock of colours
indigo, red, green
and azure blue
come to awaken in you
a meadow of delight

When the canvas frays
in the curach of thought
and a stain of ocean
blackens beneath you,
May there come across the waters
a path of yellow moonlight
to bring you safely home,

May the nourishment of the earth be yours
may the clarity of light be yours
may the fluency of the ocean be yours
may the protection of the ancestors be yours

And so may a slow
wind work these words
of love around you,
an invisible cloak
to mind your life.

With Love, M

This too shall pass.

kj said...

here's what i learned last week:

--acceptance has to come first.

--then you choose what to do.

if you do it the other way around, it doesn't work.

wanting to protect our children is so deeply planted in love. and yet, when you can't or shouldn't swim any longer, your options have to start with yourself. as in :sometimes all you can do is model the world the way you want it to be.

xo

justacoolcat said...

Oh sweet light on feathered wing
you cut through the balanced darkess
and bring
the breeze of hope across
this desert and with rain
a tear cusped antidote.

singleton said...

orhan....We live in the house of cards....the really good thing is, we keep redealing the deck! Much love, my friend


Maithri....I'm grabbing this, heart and soul, and saving it somewhere close, to share again, a gift....And I thank you so much, these words a candle lit.....

kj....we learn something new everyday. And sometimes we re-learn. I wish I could say I was old enough and wise enough to be free of being taught things, but only a fool would think that or believe it....What has evolved in the days that have passed is that he has wings, broken albeit, to fly with, but they'll work, if he figures it out....and I too, have wings, rusty, but ready for life....Thank you my friend.....

suchacoolcat....I haven't had flowers sent to me in forever, and you my friend, just did that, thank you...

Peace~love to all. Thank you for your patience, your understanding of both sides of the wall, your love. I hear ya knockin'

she said...

i'm praying for you & yours. praying, sending love

asking God to speedy deliver the most miraculous aftermath of chaos and crisis i have ever seen AND experienced:

enlightenment. love, love, love, ~s.

singleton said...

she.....
And already, the light is shining.
Bless you sweet friend.