Sunday, April 08, 2007
I miss the red lights.....
I’m running the roads now.
And frankly I don’t like to. I abhor traffic and was perfectly comfortable when Florida practiced “Arrive Alive….Drive 55”…. I could take in the scenery and didn’t suffer from shake-syndrome every time a semi passed the VW. I hate pumping gas and spending money on anything other than beer and beach passes, so charging a full tank onto the company card to be extracted from my pretend paycheck is painful. I don’t like tailgaters, lane-changers, U-haul-its, or trailers. I’m not crazy about SUVs (what if they flip?) and I’ve never understood East and West and North and South….
I can’t see the speedometer without my glasses on and can’t see the highway with them. If I wear my contacts, I have to squint the left eye to see the car in front of me, and the right eye to flick my ashes in the ashtray and not my iced tea. So I drive naked. Blind as a bat.
My kidneys have highway hypnosis. They don’t function at all as soon as they realize we’re going on a trip. I’m Tinkle Bell of the toll roads. I spend more money getting off and on the byway than most folks spend in gas. And don’t even get me going on the public potty phobia…………
Nope, I don’t like to travel. I like to park it and party it where I land.
But, I’m running the roads now….
And I can’t wait to get there…..