Sunday, April 08, 2007

I miss the red lights.....


I’m running the roads now.

And frankly I don’t like to. I abhor traffic and was perfectly comfortable when Florida practiced “Arrive Alive….Drive 55”…. I could take in the scenery and didn’t suffer from shake-syndrome every time a semi passed the VW. I hate pumping gas and spending money on anything other than beer and beach passes, so charging a full tank onto the company card to be extracted from my pretend paycheck is painful. I don’t like tailgaters, lane-changers, U-haul-its, or trailers. I’m not crazy about SUVs (what if they flip?) and I’ve never understood East and West and North and South….

I can’t see the speedometer without my glasses on and can’t see the highway with them. If I wear my contacts, I have to squint the left eye to see the car in front of me, and the right eye to flick my ashes in the ashtray and not my iced tea. So I drive naked. Blind as a bat.

My kidneys have highway hypnosis. They don’t function at all as soon as they realize we’re going on a trip. I’m Tinkle Bell of the toll roads. I spend more money getting off and on the byway than most folks spend in gas. And don’t even get me going on the public potty phobia…………

Nope, I don’t like to travel. I like to park it and party it where I land.

But, I’m running the roads now….

And I can’t wait to get there…..

17 comments:

kj said...

hey, i've just whizzed through some of your recent posts and like them alot. tink. that a great word.

thanks for visiting my neck of the woods. i like slb alot. i assume you are the slightly more responsible sister, is that right?
(have a laugh if i'm way off..)

:)

singleton said...

kj....Tink ya , baby ....And God, I love to laugh!

SpongyBones said...

Run them all. See green!

skinnylittleblonde said...

Lol, Too Funny! I literally laughed out loud...driving naked tinkle bell of the toll way! :) Funny! Hey ~ anything to make the time driving seem shorter! Since the paychecks are non-existant you may as well take the card that goes against them!

No said...

so..are you on the road right now?

singleton said...

spongy...I have every intention of never stopping again! Peace~love~running as fast as I can!

SLB...tinkle tinkle little star....ILYSVVM!

No...I'm on the roadtrip to nowhere and it's taking me everywhere I ever dreamed of going!

Behind Blue Eyes said...

Driving is so terrifying that I have to disassociate to do it. If I disassociated anymore I would develop an alter personality and have to go into intensive pshychotherapy....unless I liked this personality better than my present one.

Anne said...

I hate to drive too, especially having to find a potty. And toll roads are just a scam. Hate 'em. *sigh...* I hate hating everything. :p

Matt said...

Hmmmm, how do you feel about impaired drivers?

:)

mindy said...

so, your driving blind??remind me to stay out of florida! haha!
by the way, what kind of vw do you have.. my husband has a 71 bus.

singleton said...

behind blue eyes... I've missed you girl! Oh, and I so disassociate....blasting Primal Scream and Rolling Stones....in my own little world!

Anne....you have to map your potties out! I know them all!

Matt... I am one!

Mindy...Gawd, I wanna a 71 bus! With flower power and peace signs, and any little thing on my mind graffitied all over that little bugger.... My VW was..."Oleo" ...a sunshine yellow 72 bug...and I loved her to pieces! I bartered an art deal and got the insides reupholstered in left overs from a caddy job...she rocked! And almost rolled on damn I-4! And eventually, bless her heart, got sold right out of the front yard, the very day the sign went up, so Mama could buy a car with seatbelts in the backseat! I swear I saw her today! She rocks, she rolls, she lives on.....

vicci said...

Oh....I'm with you my sister...I hate the dang roads anymore...I take back roads for the way more scenic routes....can't stand wearin the glasses..but I can't see any of those stupid signs without them....I freak out just lookin in the rearview mirror and seein a fast car approaching....if its a cop...I still freak out (leftover from the days of smokin doobies and that kind of stuff)....
Hate to put GAS in the stupid thing!!!!!! Really can't stand it when somebody is on my tail...I just wanna SLAM on that brake!!!!

Angela Marie said...

Oh I am so with you Vicci! I can NOT stand when someone is driving right on my tail!

I do travel... but I will always put on my tunes. Say some occasional swear words as I am grippin my stearing wheel. LOL!

My first car was a 71 light yellow VW. I loved her! I had to sell her though. I drove by an accident that envolved a VW. That did it for me. I got a Wagoneer (Spelled right?) It was brown too! tee hee. I felt safer with my kids in tow!

Nithya N said...

lol..you are the kind of girl i would love to take on rash driving.

singleton said...

Oh Vicci...There you go! I forgot about the cops! And all the goings-on BEHIND me!

angela Marie....
Isn't that funny? I think everyone has a VW in their past somewhere!

nithya...I don't know what rash driving is, but it sounds like....maybe.....torture! I would be scared to death, but if I survived and lived to tell about....
I'd rememeber it like it was fun!

vicci said...

Sweets...Please go to my blog and take the photo challenge! :-)

singleton said...

Vicci....
Right behind you!