Thursday, April 03, 2008

You dirty rat....

We were talking. Like sisters do. About silly things like why they call blondes blonde , about Mexican food tasting better in dives, googling the meaning of the word “occlude” and bantering the definitions.. Verizon to Verizon. It’s free, so we kept yacking. Wandered past the “did you know?”s to the “remember when”s and settled on the story of meeting soul mates from behind a shower curtain. I’m not gonna tell you the story because neither he nor he was a soul mate, but it happened nonetheless. It wasn’t until we got around to the “palmetto bug and rats” reminiscing that I started to get the heebie jeebies. Started to feel that familiar “something’s crawling up my leg” phobia.

Skinny is spooked by roaches. With wings. And rightfully so. She was only six when they invaded her space, laced up her legs like fishnet stockings and started giving her nightmares.

I’m haunted by Ben.

David Bowie was spinning for the last go round, the whisk~me~away, the nighty~night, and I prayed I would fall asleep before the needle hit the spot where it stuck forever, carving grooves into Diamond Dogs with it’s diamond tip. I piled into bed, crumpled under the hand-me-down quilts from Mamaw’s house and rolled on my side. My face fell into the down pillow like yesterday, like everyday before this one, and I snuggled in. Buttons pawed at my shoulder. Scratched for her space. I groaned and made room. “Jesus, could somebody cut her nails” I thought….as I hmmmmpppphhhhed and readjusted for her comfort. She pawed again.

Clawed actually.

I turned in the dark to give her the “settle down or sleep somewhere else” eyes and she glared at me…..beady eyes balanced between a pointy nose ….brillo pad hair glowing in the dark. I flung the covers off, flailing, leaping…..and it hit the wall.

Smack!

Yelping!

F'n Rat! In my bed!
On my body!
Breathing my breath!

For three weeks, I hauled Mamaws quilt and my first down pillow into the Jack and Jill bathroom and slept in the tub. Convinced I could hear him scurrying across the green and pink tile, crawling up the porcelain. See him in the full length mirror before he rounded the corner. Convinced I would know ....before he got to me.

For thirty five years I’ve known better.

You never see ‘em coming….

20 comments:

kj said...

you've given me the total absolute creeps. and i am on my way to bed.

disgusting. horrible. disgusting horrible terrific piece of writing.

ohmygod. i would have died on the spot.

ps i want to email you for an interesting reason. please advise, or send me an email so i can respond?

skinnylittleblonde said...

oh lawd, today someone would probably call DFCS on the things we went through as kids & that's sad, because the world over... dirty rats & flying roaches, don't compare. pls

skinnylittleblonde said...

lol...I see you tagged Smart Cars Inc. You so funny and yeah, they are rats & roaches dressed up like people. ilysvm

Maithri said...

I could tell you a thousand stories....

Of an insomniac in
Swaziland...

My first night...a huge, prehistoric, metallic buzzing thing, with wings (they've all got wings) came to welcome me to Africa.
(dont ask me its name cos i think only T rex knows)

How Jacque got so used to roaches that she would smack them with her bare hand. (I never had her courage)

I could tell you about spiders in Srilanka... How I tried to chase this big guy (im talkin Arnold Schwarzaspider) with a broom...and then, he turned round and started chasin me.... lol

But in the end...i wouldnt change it...

Cos its good to be thrilled by life. By the mystery.

And like a wise friend
once told me
in the end
peace wins.

My love to you Beautiful, M

PS as for the rats...the human variety are the real worry.

singleton said...

KJ....:) See what I mean? Just talkin' about 'em gives you that yicky creepy "don't talk about it anymore, your gonna make me sick" feeling! And Skinny and I push ourselves to great limits to see who can top who in the "remember when.....ewwwwwwwwww" category! Thank God, we have unlimited minutes! And I'd love to hear from you in the in~box, bop me at singandskinny@hotmail.com Peace~love and TGIF!

SweetSkinny.... Clink! Couldn't resist, sisterlove.... It's the walkin~talkin kinda rat that takes the tainted cake! ILYSVVM

Maithri....
eeeeeeeewwwwwww!
OK, hands down, next time we have a hippie camp-out, you gotta come along.....
we'll thow another log on the fire,
scooch in a little closer,
and tell stories all night long.....
eyes gettin' bigger,
with each go round.....

And yeah, it's the two legged kind that are a breed of their own....

Peace~love
May the circle be unbroken

savannah said...

just reading made me look around, sugar...peace xox

WILSONART said...

Oh yeah,,,,"you never see 'em coming"
Know that well!

My linen closet in florida:

'Palmetto bug' (but a roach is a roach)
big enough to saddle and ride to town.STARING me down,,,antennae
twitching.

A club in a classy restaurant:
Another healthy, huge specimen,,,,
crawled across the toe of the singer's shoe. She questioned it's musician Union membership,
which was a hoot!

i beati said...

Ben now there's a memory !!

Shimmerrings said...

you never do... and you can run, but you just can't hide...

Todd Camplin said...

Mexican food tasting better in dives! I remember going to a two horse town in texas, and eating the best Mexican food I ever had in this little hole in the wall of of down town. Thanks for the memories.

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

Ick.

Eugh.

Etc.

she said...

singtome/my3/others: thanks for the warnings. will make vacation plans accordingly

love, phobic one.

justacoolcat said...

Ick. I have a serious issue with rodents.

singleton said...

savannah....Oh, hell, I actually creeped myself out! Things that go bump in the night! Peace, girl!

Babs....But isn't it so cool that memories are locked forever in that "keep me" box, flagged by the big bug crawling across the screen, waving his hairy arms, saying Book Mark This Moment!

Shimmerings....
Amen, girl. Can you hear me sayin' it over and over again? The chorus!

Todd....It's so true! I had Mexican yesterday, from "name brand restraunt" and gotta tell you....I'd rather be squintin' my eyes so I don't see what dances in the shadows, and shovelin' down those good ole enchiladas, washin' em down with bottled beer than pickin' up the tab for our "Mexican" boxed lunches! Thanks for stoppin' by again!

Ultra...I know, I know, I know.....And I don't wanna give you a bad take on Florida....(But did you get one already ? because it's not on your roadtrip map! :)

She...You're not foolin' me one moment girl....Campin' out with the creepy crawlies and laughing or the Highyat and Mighty? Oh, it has something to do with budgets? Not us! Feel the love....Keep the light on!

suchacoolcat....Mmmmmmmmmm..... Me too!

Peace~love friends.....
Changin' the sheets and takin' the trash out!

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

It's pretty much on there now. I'm guessing Ben is a nod to the Jackson song of the same name?

skinnylittleblonde said...

Lol...Sister! And to think you & Kimbies used to tell me that if I misbehaved or ran my trap... that they would come up the toilet and bite my bootie when I tried to tinkle!
Passing that sisterly fear on!
ILYSVM

Maithri said...

Tink! and Clink!

singleton said...

ultra....Ben is just dredged up from "then"! It was Jackson or a flick from the dollar movie theater! And do you have the "worlds most famous beach" on that map yet? That's too cool!
PS....just kidding, Florida has a helluva lot more to offer than what we're famous for!

Skinny....But we believed it! they fell out of the fireplace, and drank from the fountain, why wouldn't they crawl up the pipes and tickle your buns?

Maithri....real time! Clinkity tinkity Tink!

Peace~love
I think it's time to surface :)

The Electric Orchid Hunter said...

Waah! That's so not cool! To think that you almost invited it in! I guess I would have slept in the tub, too. Or on a neighbour's couch.

singleton said...

Electric! Ha! I left out the two weeks camped at Red's house! Kinda gives ya the heebie-jeebies, huh? :)