Saturday, March 03, 2007

"I'll worry about it tomorrow....

It’s not spontaneity, in my world. It’s suddenaity. That’s just me. To the world at large (well, this is a really small town, which makes it a really small world, but)…I’m settled. Snuggled into the ordinary. Comfy Cozy in my couchless house. Predictable really. I drive the same way to work every morning, blasting the same music in the same way….LOUD! My hair has hung in the same direction since I was fourteen, the way it grows. Straight, and trimmed every once in a while at the bathroom sink. I still flip the peace sign at passers-by, toss the mail in the trash, and believe.

And then BAM! The butterfly breeze blows a little lower, and I’m just sitting there minding my own business. And everything
changes. Just like that. Swoooshing in a thousand new directions.

Suddenaity.

An unintentional hurricane. Flipping everything ordinary over onto it’s underbelly. Exposing the pale protected safeness of my every day world to… the scorching sun. And it’s so hot in the aftermath, that the dirt is steamy and fog is rising and for a moment, or maybe forever, I don’t think I can see beyond now. I’m standing in the middle of madness and I can’t blink. Terrified to close my eyes for fear of never waking up again. And I can’t breathe. If I suck this steamy heated air into my lungs, how will I ever exhale hard enough to take the next breath. And I can’t move. I don’t know where the earth ends and I’m afraid, or not afraid, that I’ll just fall off and tumble eternally, floating through the bottom skies…. Weightless. Pieces of life as I knew it, careening past, bumping into me occasionally, close enough to touch, but no longer within my reach…..

Butterfly breeze…..
The tiniest flutter…
And
There’s no turning back.

21 comments:

Bardouble29 said...

Are you Ok? You and yours are not hurt I hope. It is so hard when the world turns upside down, you are in my thoughts.

Gypsy Purple said...

Wow....so sad...are you OK

Orhan Kahn said...

OH SNAP!

Wtf happens when I close the news browser?!

I do hope all is well!

Much <3

singleton said...

Bardouble.....thank you sweetie. And all is good. For every tomorrow we get to touch, yesterday is a gift. And it's all good....

gypsypurple.....where did you come from and where have you been.... Your looking glass was just the window I needed! Thank you....

Orhan.....<3 Grows.... And hey, I miss your little self..... New pic is cool, but it doesn't much look like you......LOL!

JR's Thumbprints said...

In my younger days I wanted to move to a warmer climate. Now I thank my lucky stars for staying in Michigan, depressed economy and all. You've experienced "suddenaity"; whereas, I've experienced "suddenality"--a cross between a sudden thought and the reality of where I am. Peace.

skinnylittleblonde said...

HUH! I don't get this blogger2 crud! I post a comment,see it...come back later poof! It's gone! Happened here and 5 or 6 other blogs! Grrrrwl!
What I had said on the heels of Orhan was something to the effect of...
Perception! My how it differs! I read this & thought 'oh this is her cryptic way of saying time & life brings change which can never predict, but always end up adapting to.'
ILYSVM

vicci said...

Hope all is well Sweetie....Scary!

singleton said...

jr's thumbprints...."a cross between a sudden thought and the reality of where I am".....So far, for the two of us, We're giving Webster's a run for their money! I love it! Peace!

SLB.....Gawd, Girl! So you know my number.....

Vicci....Peace and love to you my friend.. I'm the keeper of a little gift from precious Kimbies, will try to postmark 2U sometime this week...

JustRun said...

That strange, cyclical stuff gets me, too. Every time.
I don't think we are supposed to be settled, even when we are.

photo blog girl said...

I agree justrun
it's just amazing you sometimes don't find it out until your put in the situation.

singleton said...

justrun....exactly....."even when we are".....

photoblog girl...Amen!

Fuzzylogic said...

I think butterfly breeze is sometimes just what is needed.Even if it ends up taking you on wild ride it does give you such a perspective.I just love the way you write!

singleton said...

ahhhh fuzzy.....yup, just the tiniest little crinkle in the wind, and the roller coaster tinkers on the edge a second longer.....takes the corners like a metal maniac.....
the noise, the air, the climb, the fall, the rickety memory like noneother before!

Angela Marie said...

Hey there... sounds like you are in a bit of a funk mode.

Crap!

I am sending you lots of hugs your way and hope that the sun is shining on you soon.

Singleton! Do you feel that butterfly flutter tickling your nose? SMILE Sweet Lady!

singleton said...

Angela Marie.....
God, I love those butterflies!
Peace to you sweet girl!

Matt said...

I'm suddenly retching. No, just kidding. I love driving to work the same way every day--it's the quickest route w/ the least amount of traffic. And I hate how all of the radio jocks want to TALK in the morning. No patience for that. Must have LOUD music. Stat. Can't roll otherwise.

singleton said...

Matt....
you got it....you gotta rock to roll!

Orhan Kahn said...

I'm sorry hun. I would change it back for you but whats done is done.

Though, because you're such a darlin' I offer you a HI-RES version of the picture in question.

As always, much <3!

singleton said...

orhan.....ty
peace, <3, smile!

psycho-therapist said...

no turning back. how well i know that gut-wrenching, can't sleep, can't breathe, can't stop from feeling like i'm teetering on the edge of a bottomless precipe. hold on girlfriend. we'll make it through- we're built that way.
p &l,
lisa
p.s. you'll like this little bit of serendipity. my word verification's first two letters were "ok" and ended with "ib"
we be okay...

singleton said...

Lisa...."can't breathe"...yeah, baby, that's the one.....
And yeah, I like it... "ok" ib"...
I'm Ok, you're OK, we're OK...
peace, love, and teeterings....