It’s not spontaneity, in my world. It’s suddenaity. That’s just me. To the world at large (well, this is a really small town, which makes it a really small world, but)…I’m settled. Snuggled into the ordinary. Comfy Cozy in my couchless house. Predictable really. I drive the same way to work every morning, blasting the same music in the same way….LOUD! My hair has hung in the same direction since I was fourteen, the way it grows. Straight, and trimmed every once in a while at the bathroom sink. I still flip the peace sign at passers-by, toss the mail in the trash, and believe.
And then BAM! The butterfly breeze blows a little lower, and I’m just sitting there minding my own business. And everything
changes. Just like that. Swoooshing in a thousand new directions.
An unintentional hurricane. Flipping everything ordinary over onto it’s underbelly. Exposing the pale protected safeness of my every day world to… the scorching sun. And it’s so hot in the aftermath, that the dirt is steamy and fog is rising and for a moment, or maybe forever, I don’t think I can see beyond now. I’m standing in the middle of madness and I can’t blink. Terrified to close my eyes for fear of never waking up again. And I can’t breathe. If I suck this steamy heated air into my lungs, how will I ever exhale hard enough to take the next breath. And I can’t move. I don’t know where the earth ends and I’m afraid, or not afraid, that I’ll just fall off and tumble eternally, floating through the bottom skies…. Weightless. Pieces of life as I knew it, careening past, bumping into me occasionally, close enough to touch, but no longer within my reach…..
The tiniest flutter…
There’s no turning back.