Sunday, November 12, 2006

I Must be Dreaming....

I woke up swallowing words. Whole words. Big chunks. It made my throat feel raspy, smoke scratched. Like trying to swallow Saltine crackers in the desert.

I blinked. There was no sunshine billowing through the curtains. It was dark. But morning still. I could hear birds. Chirping. Sqwauking actually. The cats were playing round-da-round, flying through the halls chasing the mischevious poltergeists that only come out to play in the last moments of night.

I almost choked. Swallowing whole phrases. Instant replay of every NEVER I ever said.... rushing past me, through me, into me. Eyes wide open now. Night vision working. Everything is the same. The same old comforter piled in a heap at my feet. The wooden floors scratched and carpeted with cat and dog hair dancing just above it's surface. The alarm clock glaring, the time set two hours and twenty minutes into the future. A reminder that I need to wake up confused, because the comfort of actually knowing what time it really is, will lull me back to sleep. I gulp. It's O.K. Everything is the same. I was just dreaming.

But I wasn't. That was hours ago, and there are words stuck in my throat, tatooing the sides, hanging on like tonsilitis..... I can't swallow them yet. Go there.

I said I would never ever again feel this way. Never ever again go this way. Never ever again.

I was wrong. Welcome to my World. It's all good, baby...
I still feel the butterflies....

21 comments:

skinnylittleblonde said...

Never say never babe... or you will risk always eating those words... ILY!

Orhan Kahn said...

Well, I'm confused.

Therapist Mumbles said...

Some say it is our ability to use words that allows our brains to create abstract ideas.

Others say it is the way our brain is that allows us to develop language to describe abstract ideas.

An abstract idea, such as "I don't want to be here, doing this."

But emotions usually overwhelm words. That is why women cry and men fight.

mist1 said...

I wish I could swallow some of my words. I simply have too many. From the moment I get up, to the moment I fall asleep, I am full of words.

Deepak Gopi said...

thank you

Mel said...

There are places I vowed to never wander again.
Other plans, lessons yet to be learned-- sometimes I find myself teetering on an instant replay........thankgoodness I get to control my participation, my actions, my attitude--and my words.
Sometimes it's not all bad to choke back what ought not be said.
Other times, it's a vile thing that keeps me doing the same thing over and over again.
I'm hoping it's not the latter for you.

Dunno if I'm confused-- I do know for some reason I'm sad.
*sending positive thoughts and prayers*

Behind Blue Eyes said...

I've had many nights that I am suddenly jrked out of a sound sleep with a remorse, or a fear or something that I am afraid that I have forgotten. No fun! Well..at least we have a conscience...even if it does bother us at a moment that should be pleasant.

justrun said...

The hardest part of eating our words is that they're never the sweet ones. Never say never, who wants to taste that later anyway? :)

singleton said...

SLB... of course, I am the Queen of Alphabet soup, but mostly because I am always vowing to never ever do this again or that again, when, of course, you should ALWAYS do it again!

Orhan.... for once!

Therapist Mumbles.... ahhh yes, emotions usually prevail....

Mist1...me too girl, why do you think I was choking?

The Great....You're welcome, Birthday Boy!

Sweet Mel.... Don't be sad! It's all good! You are so sweet!

Behind Blue Eyes... God, I do that TOO! Bolting awake! Arrrrgggghhh!

Justrun... It's the sweet ones that spook me, the other ones I just spit out! LOL!

Fuzzylogic said...

I have swallowed huge chunks of words many a times and they have ended up choking me almost all the times:)It's a very unpleasant sensation and I hate it when they refuse to go down easily!I'm still learning when to choke on them and when to spit it out:)I can never say never,I always find myself right back there all the time!But things have a way of working out to the better whenever I have decided to choke on them or spit them out.I'm sure you have figured it all out too!

singleton said...

fuzzylogic...I would say we are kindred spirits!

Anne said...

Oooohhhh..... That was awesome - the drawing and the words. Sounds like maybe you needed to write and draw some of those words out through your fingertips, which you did with such grace. I hope you feel a little better now.

glorybe said...

Beautiful..wonderfully, painfully, completely beautiful...

I share a wish for the kiss too...

If only....

skinnylittleblonde said...

Singleton & the Hippie Parade currently find themselves trapsing down the road of no computer... she sends her love to all & dances in the kitchen until she gets it back up!

Fuzzylogic said...

Happy Thanksgiving Singleton!Enjoy treating your family!

skinnylittleblonde said...

Singleton is out of commission on the computer right now & she misses this corner of the world...but had a wonderful Thanksgiving. She hopes that everyone here had a beautiful one as well.
She made a delicious dinner for our parents, her grown kids, some friends & neighbors. Mom & Dad danced on the deck. Pam danced in the kitchen, everyone ate good & slept hard.
I wished I was there :(

Seawall Butterfly said...

Dear Pisces Singleton,
We are really missing you on the net..give you more thoughts on your drawings and your great little stories and reflections.
You are a doll and I do hope you get back and let those fingers do the typing so you can hit the "SEND" BUTTON!!
LOVE YA,
ICED COFFEE ANYONE??

singleton said...

seawall butterfly...you have no idea how much i miss you...im on borrowed time and borrowed dimes at the moment, but I'm working on it...And we will connect again! God Bless you all...hugs...periwinkle soup....love....peace....

eric1313 said...

"I said I would never ever again feel this way. Never ever again go this way. Never ever again.

I was wrong. Welcome to my World. It's all good, baby..."

What a great peace of writing. I'd love to se you arange it in an epic poem. Not that it isn't already great.

I wish to never again say words that I would either have to choke down, or wish too late that I could still choke them down. I like that our words echo each other's words in different times. At the time that you wrote this one, I was choking on words livng in and out of a cheap hotel room with a woman who was the very deffinition of fake, and I was faking myself out, trying to realize what I needed to be doing most of all. I was trying to say words and would choke on their dishonesty, and on her dishonest words.

I doubt you meant quite that, but it made me think of it. I can tell you were going through some personal hell of your own, or at least a personal trial. But your words were coming together, running like days over the horizon, like a wild pack of horses, running like blue mascara. I hope the best for you always! I love it that you have begun to create so much. It makes me proud to know you. Glad and happy, really. And amazed like you are that we see a lot of the same in the world--lie Orhan, like SLB, like everyone you know who loves you and loves what you create.

Peace
and
Peace
and
Love, Love, Love

eric1313 said...

like Orhan and SLB, i meant...

it's all good, baby!

singleton said...

eric...yes, its all good, baby. Even the hell days, the hell weeks, the ones that take us down roads we'd never dream of taking, but find us where we were meant to be all along, it's all good!
Peace and love to you too, my friend